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 Trust
can easily be destroyed by doubts. We have a saying:
there is no
cure for doubts. And if doubts destroy the trust,
the base of love is damaged. There is so much talk
about unconditional love but actually unconditional
trust and unconditional respect are the ground, the
fertile earth on which love grows and can get
strong. Doubts however destroy this ground. If there
are doubts, there is no trust. As I said it is
either trust or no trust. But today I want to say
more about the unconditional respect which is just
as important. We hear very often from divorces and
both, husband and wife say "It did not work
out." They tell that there is still love
between them but somehow the sparkle is gone,
something changed. Love never really finishes, you
know. But respect can finish easily and very often
this is the reason for breaking up. Love is there
but not the necessary respect. It gets lost very
often after a wedding. You have a certain role, the
other one is your husband or your wife. And very
often this position gives the feeling that you own
the other one. He or she is mine. And the respect is
lost. Respect is frequently in the same way like
love connected with expectations: "If you do
this I love you, if you do that I respect
you." It is your own perception, values and
attitude with which you decide to respect someone or
not. It is your imagination of how a person should
act. If he acts according to this you feel good and
he has earned your respect. I have also experienced
this. People have a certain image from how I should
behave and if I would go out to a disco now, which I
already did a few times, or if I play Billiard, then
this doesn't fit with the image of a Swami.
But I want to live how I am, what I feel, who I am!
In this way everybody should respect others how they
are. We have to be aware of this and should not lose
the respect for others for this kind of reason. On
the other hand we also need to see that we do not
make others lose the respect for us through our
actions and behaviour. Always stay yourself, do not
act. Respect will be honest when it is for who you
truly are.
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