22 Apr 2010 Bocholt, Germany
Category: Ego
I have been writing about relationships and how people often feel the need to own something. I sometimes mention this in lectures as a typical problem: owning and ego. Of course it belongs together, just think one time about it how it makes you feel to say ‘This is mine!’
This behavior depends so much on how you grew up. When children grow up they have this kind of talk with their siblings: this is mine and that is yours. No, mine is smaller. That is not true, yours is bigger. Okay, but yours has a nicer colour, I want to have that. No, I had it first! – Maybe you can imagine what I am talking about. When you go and buy for example a set of soft ball rackets for your children you do not think that this might be the reason for such a discussion.
Then it is the task of the parents to tell the children: You can play together! Take a racket each and after some time you exchange. It belongs to both of you!
Unfortunately I often see that children are nearly trained to own something because their parents show this with their own behavior. They are the example for children to do this still when they grow up. The form of dialogue changes when they get older, telling the other one ‘This is my room.’, then telling others ‘this is my car’ and in the end they say ‘This is my life!’
9 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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This is a really interesting concept and such a hard thing to 'unlearn' which means it must be taught differently in as early childhood as possible. At the school where I work in the UK we try to teach the children from 2 years old that the toys belong to the school but they can play with as long as they share with their friends. It is not an easy thing to teach anyone, and hard to be consistent but we try
Reply By Charlotte Brown on December 28, 2011 07:09
In America, we have this concept called "only-child syndrome." It is when a child grows up without siblings and is the only child nurtured by his/her parents. The child never learns how to share because they are given what they need and don't have siblings to share with. They often grow up with pretty strong and needy egos that are used to getting what they want and deserve! It's hard for them to break free from this attitude that they've grown up with. Of course not all only children have this "syndrome," but it's interesting to think about!
Reply By Emily on October 12, 2011 02:06
Wow that's a whole lot of people fighting for space inside your head!
Reply By Greg on January 24, 2011 02:36
I think this is really insightful Swami Ji and not something that people have necessarily thought about before.
Reply By Laura Middleton on November 11, 2010 05:35
Today was the last day of the school year 11/12. The children got their report cards, the olde...
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