23 Nov 2008 Vrindavan, India
Category: Marriage
Yesterday I was talking about the Indian arranged way of developing a relationship. In the western culture I see some similarities. Of course in the west a marriage is not arranged and organized by the family. But I told you that in an arranged marriage the relation starts in a physical way without having established an emotional relation before. In the modern western society and its open attitude towards sex you can see often that a boy and a girl meet in any public place, a restaurant, a disco or a party. First their eyes meet, then some talk, then holding hands, the next body part that meets are the lips, they feel each other’s breath on the face and then it doesn’t take much time to change place and meet further in bed. Of course the emotional relation has not been developed yet. This is the similarity that I wanted to point out. The difference is that you can choose yourself, it is not your family’s choice.
At this point during writing the diary Ramona said that if you have bad luck, then your marriage is arranged and on your wedding day you see your future husband or wife for the first time and realize that he or she is absolutely not the type that you would normally like.
Then I pointed out that it can happen in the west, too, in one way: when you are drunk. You hear often stories about people waking up in the morning next to someone they don’t know. The similarity here and there is that there is no previously developed connection on the emotional level. I would like to add that of course there are in both places different ways of making a relation, too. In the west there are relationships and marriages which are based on a deep connection of the soul and also in India you can find this. Not all couples meet for the first time on their wedding day. Many modern parents also arrange a meeting of their children and ask them for their opinion. It started. You need a connection of the heart to have a long-lasting and happy relationship.
Tags:: Indian culture, Marriage, Relationships, Sex, Western culture
2 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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This certainly does happen in the West, but I don't think it really leads to good, long-term relationships. Lots of people get drunk at a bar, find someone to dance with, kiss, take home, and when they wake up they are displeased with their drunken choice. I think this is an unfortunate event. But it usually doesn't even lead to a relationship. Many people have that experience and never talk to the person again. Lots of love relationships have more communication and emotional connection in the beginning... but there are all sorts of extremes out there!
Reply By Emily on October 18, 2011 05:42
it seems reversed, first sexual, then emotional. Arranged marriages could be seen as emotional and then sexual, but in the cases where they havent met before of course it is sex (wedding night) and then emotion (the years following the ceremony... hopefully) It just depends in both situations.
Reply By Truman on November 01, 2010 01:58
Today was the last day of the school year 11/12. The children got their report cards, the olde...
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I do not like rules. I said many times that we are always living in rules but we should make it a rule to break one rule daily. But that should be your decision and not controlled by anyone else.
SourceDon’t worry what others think to find out what you feel for yourself.
SourceBad luck or good luck are simply a manipulation of your mind, a psychological effect for those who believe in it.
SourceMany poor Indian people are happy and proud even with the little they have. Reduce your needs and learn to be happy with less, even in the abundance of the west.
SourceThe top scientists of India don’t trust their own work enough but have to ask God for support. Unlucky numbers are skipped. Doctors are afraid of bad energies. These people are all literate but unfortunately not educated.
SourceThe scriptures of any religion, culture or country can be written by very intelligent people of old times and we can see them as great literature but they should not be taught to children as ideals of how to behave though. They are fiction and many of them are full of blood and violence, creating an illusion for children that this behavior could be religious and good.
SourceYou cannot buy blessings with a donation to a temple. You cannot buy luck and a good destiny like rice on the market. You have to create it yourself!
SourceJudging is good and necessary. Use your general knowledge, your mind, your intelligence and also your feelings. You can ask experts, research on the internet and find out more if needed. Get an opinion and don’t be afraid of others criticizing it. Maybe this fear prevents people from judging, too. Have self-confidence and say what you think is right and what is wrong in your eyes.
SourceThe words ‘followers’, ‘disciples’ or ‘devotees’ give much room for abuse of the relationship to a guru.
SourceInsecurity in life makes you need assurance by others!
SourceNever give your partner the feeling he is unwanted or not needed. In love it is necessary that you have the feeling the other one wants you. You will have the pride that you are worth something to the other one.
SourceDifferent cultural background creates different perceptions of how children should be.
SourceForgive and leave your anger behind. Remember that this is not an act of grace towards the other person but something that you are doing for yourself, too! Be in love, that makes it easier!
SourceDon’t be overprotective. Lack of self-esteem, indecision and also problems with getting into company of others are the consequences. Don’t overprotect, give freedom and let them make their experiences. They will shape the world of tomorrow, so don’t try to press them into your world. Let them free.
SourceWhen you meet someone, don't expect you to be 'best friends forever'. Just be happy to meet. Simply enjoy how nice the moment is without planning the future.
SourceHonour is something related to your dignity, to a straight and honest way of living and not related only to your sexuality. Why would a woman be dishonoured if she had sex with the one she loves even if they are not married?
SourceA successful relationship comes from devotion, not from ego and expectations. Leave your expectations behind and accept and respect the other one. In order to accept, respect and love in a relationship, you definitely need to accept, respect and love yourself.
SourceIf someone rapes a girl, how come her honour is gone? It should be the other way around! He loses his honour by doing this crime!
SourceWe all are human, not god, so we do mistakes. Accept your mistake and leave your ego, then you won't feel guilty. Guilt is created when you do not accept your mistake because of your ego. Don't make yourself feel guilty for making mistakes.
SourceSpirituality is very individual, not institutional. Even if you don’t go into a temple or church, you are spiritual, if you believe in love.
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