10 May 2010 Copenhagen , Denmark
Category: Relationships
There is a sentence which I have heard sometimes in between couples who have difficulties with each other and which always sounds very strange to me. Problems in their relationship can cause people to say this but also strange ways of belief, for example in some sects, in which sexuality is something dirty or taboo: ‘We live like brother and sister.’ In other variations it can also sound like this: ‘My feeling for her is more as a sister and not as a wife’ or ‘I always loved him like a brother, not like a husband.’
I really wonder how you can mix up the relationships like this? How can you say about your husband, with whom you definitely had sex already, that he is like your brother? You have shared bed and body with this person, how can you see him like this? If I see someone like a sister, I could never imagine having any sexual relation.
And then, if you think of it vice versa, I never heard that someone calls his sister his wife or her brother her husband. So please tell me, if you can say that your married partner is your sibling, why don’t you say that your sibling is like your partner? You are saying ‘until this point he was my husband and now he is my brother’. And can you say to your brother ‘from now on you are my husband’?
The actual meaning of all these sentences is: we are not having sex. It can mean you do not have an affectionate relationship, you are not touching or even kissing each other, you do not have any kind of physical relation.
So you are actually reducing the difference from a sister and a wife to the fact that a wife has sex and a sister doesn’t. It is not like this! It absolutely cannot be! This takes away the value of the relations. The love in between brother and sister is very different than the love in between husband and wife. By saying you are brother and sister you are trying to prove that you are not having sexual feelings. But this relation is much more than just the absence of sexual feelings. You started or stopped having sex but husband is husband, brother is brother, sister is sister and wife is wife. It will always be like this. A sister cannot be wife, a brother cannot be husband and vice versa. And if you ever had sex with someone, I cannot believe that you can really have the feeling that she is your sister or he is your brother. You have to see the whole image of history, feelings and actions and you will realize that the love for a sibling is very different from the love for a spouse.
Tags:: Body, Love, Relationships, Sex, Feelings
4 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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This is so interesting that some people feel this way about their relationships. Not this I have been in one but I agree it would be weird to think about your brother in the way that you would a husband and vis versa....I don't think this is right.
Reply By Tricia on August 25, 2012 03:56
You can have many different types of relationship in your life; mother, father, brother, sister, friend, teacher, partner. they are all different and that is what makes them special. You should celebrate and notice the differences in these relationships.
Reply By Alex on April 30, 2012 03:56
This is a strange phenomenon. I can't see how people can try to mix these roles. They are all important to us in life-- having mother and father, brother and sister, friend, lover, and children. I think we need all of these roles in our lives...but separately in different people. I think if we can fulfill these roles in separate individuals, we will have more balance and health in all our relationships than if we try to cram too many roles into one person. Not to say that your lover shouldn't be your friend also...but it puts too much pressure on someone for you to need many different roles from them.
Reply By Emily on October 23, 2011 07:53
Sometimes I feel like people try to throws around roles and labels instead of substance or understanding in even their most intimate issues of life. For instance, saying "she just does this because she's a woman," or "he is like this because he's gay." Not to stray too far off the subject, but isn't trying to flip between sister-wife brother-husband role title the same thing? instead of saying that you have been hurt or have become disinterested or disappointed for whatever reason you say that you spouse is now someone you love like a sibling. It is much better to identify and discuss what is really happening, rather than simply categorize and ignore.
Reply By Brandon G. on October 19, 2010 01:36
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This caste system is part of the Hindu religion and comes from religion. So the same religion that you admire and try to imitate is dividing people into higher and lower persons.
SourceDon’t you degrade your own religion if you need to use tricks to convert people? If your religion is really the best, wouldn’t people decide for it out of their free will and not because they are obliged to?
SourceYou share everything with everybody and everybody shares everything with you. Just out of love. In this case the source is love, not ego. When you want to share your happiness with others and want to share other peoples’ pain, sharing is a great and positive thing.
SourceA positive attitude from your side will also change your surroundings.
SourcePeople who blame western culture and women’s clothing for sex crimes in India should take off their shirts and pants, too, because that dress also comes from western culture.
SourceYou cannot buy anybody’s love. If you want love, give love. The world of love is very different from this material world. Not even a millionaire can buy someone’s love. Maybe their body but not their love.
SourceLove cannot grow if you don’t have closeness. Sometimes it is very hard to get close to someone. Sometimes there is physical closeness but no closeness of the heart, sometimes the mind is close but nothing else. You cannot establish a strong relationship if you don’t accept full closeness.
SourceIf you made a mistake, don't follow your ego. Accept the truth, even though you were wrong. Don't live for your ego.
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SourceDo not make yourself unhappy by comparing too much!
SourceYou are more than a body and not only your body. People should love you not because of your body. Your real freedom would be if you did not use your body as a medium to attract people’s attention.
SourceYou should have enough confidence in yourself and your actions to know that what you do is right. Do your best, with love and your full effort and you have the possibility to be happy.
SourceDistance from the ex partner is necessary to keep away the feelings of jealousy!
SourceWhy do we want to change somebody? Why can’t we change ourselves? And if we cannot even change ourselves, then how can we expect any change in somebody else?
SourceAfter accidents some people believe it happened due to their sins and bad Karma but God saved them. Well, he saved your life but you do have broken bones. If this guy could keep you from dying, why could he not save your bones from being crushed? Was he too busy? Did he think it would look unrealistic that you have an accident and don’t even break something? Or did he really think ‘Man, you got some bad Karma over there! Not bad enough for dying but at least a bone fracture!’
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SourceGive value to your relations and the people around you. See and feel their love and love them back. Store their love in your heart. Care for friendship, care for your relations, care for love.
SourceIf you believe that someone whom you are beating could improve in any way through this, you should follow the same rule. After a mistake, go to someone who is stronger than you and ask him to beat you a bit so that you can better yourself!
SourcePeople have to develop their consciousness and stop killing animals to fill their stomach. They have a soul like us and god is in them, too.
Source
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