03 May 2010 Luneburg, Germany
Category: Sex
I have also met people who have different rules for cheating and if you are not in that situation, it is nearly ridiculous to hear that. One man once told me that he only has affairs with women who are older than 40 because the chances are lower that she might get pregnant from him. He simply feels safe, because this woman will not tell his wife if she doesn’t have a reason. If however the woman conceived a baby, he would be forced to act and maybe change something in his life.
I know other people who are married and have sex with others but many of them only have sex with a man or woman who is married as well. They also feel safe: my lover will not tell my wife that I am cheating on her because she doesn’t want me to tell her husband that he was betrayed, too. Another point is that the other one cannot make any accusations or claims. Your lover will not stand in front of your door wanting you to be only with her. You are both aware that you are doing wrong but you cannot blame the other one for anything.
I once told a young man who was a friend of mine and whom I saw flirting with a married woman that he should take care because this woman had a husband. He answered: ‘I know, but I am not married, I am bachelor. I am not the one cheating. She is responsible for her relationship, I am free. She has to take care of that, not me.’
I believe however if you know that she is cheating on her husband, you are the one who helps her in cheating. Don’t you think you will be the guilty one if her husband finds out? It is always two, she cannot cheat on her husband alone. Of course her responsibility is bigger but you are also involved, just like a person hiding a criminal will be charged for supporting the crime that he committed.
In my opinion cheating is wrong. You are creating pain, guilt, bad feelings, anger and more, unnecessarily. If you are unhappy in your relationship, change something. Cheating does not make your relationship better. Do not try to find excuses and rules, you are cheating yourself, too. Live honestly and in love.
Today we came to Lüneburg to my friends Michael and Andrea and their son Ravael. We said goodbye to Regina, Jens and Celina with whom we have had again a great time. And also being here in Lüneburg is great because I have been coming here for such a long time now! And of course being with friends is just beautiful.
Tags:: Anger, Relationships, Sex, Feelings, Cheating, Guilt, Life, Pain, Partners, Responsibility, Rules
6 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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It's as if they can share in the guilt of having an affair because they are not the only one doing it. They are not truly to blame because other people out there also do it. I actually feel more pain and sadness for these people than anger. I feel sad that they are so unhappy with their relationships and so in denial about it at the same time. I know that the guilt must be bubbling under the surface and it's only a matter of time before they must face their unhappiness. I have compassion for these people and I hope they can find a way to live with honesty, integrity, and love.
Reply By Emily on October 25, 2011 01:49
Cheryl, It is hard to be cheated on. very damaging to the image of self and also to one's ability to trust and love purely. But I agree with sue- is this hurt and anger3 helping you in any way? I hope that you will be able to let go and find happiness.
Reply By Deb on October 28, 2010 02:43
Cheryl, I am very sorry to hear you've been hurt. It seems like the anger you feel against cheaters is pretty intense. I wonder, is this anger helping you in your life? Is it helping bring you peace or love others? Is it allowing you happiness?
Reply By Sue on October 28, 2010 02:41
Cheaters are one of the few things in this world that literally disgust me. I just get so angry when I hear about cheaters because I have been cheated on and I suppose I never really forgave the people who did it. How do you get over something like that?
Reply By Cheryl on October 28, 2010 02:39
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