25 May 2009 Cologne, Germany
Category: Sadness
I am in train now. We started from Innsbruck to Cologne in the early morning. I had a very strange night last night and could not really sleep well and I feel very sad today. I am missing my younger sister whose birthday was on 25th May. We lost her in a car accident three years ago when she was 29 years old. I had only one sister and two brothers, now we are only us three. This was the biggest loss for our family, my parents and us and my biggest experience of sadness.
I remember one year on her birthday I was in London and I phoned her in India to say happy birthday. Then we both were crying on phone. I have nobody to say happy birthday to today and nobody can take her place. After her death I have had an experience also, when I tried to connect my feelings and emotions with somebody in this way, I only got disappointment. So I have to accept it as it is now and I have her in my heart.
In India families and relations are very close. She was born in front of me, we always lived together and I put her into the fire from my hands. When she died I was in shock and for one week I could not even cry one teardrop. After that I started crying. I was just like crazy.
After three days I came out of the cave in the morning and said to Yashendu to search for her on Google. Maybe we can find her there. After some days I realized and accepted that she is no more in this world. I prayed to god and said to my both younger brothers Purnendu and Yashendu: ‘Please don’t die in front of me.’
Tags:: Emotions, Family, Sadness, Death, God, Feelings, Disappointment , Experience, Prayer
2 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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After reading this I am thinking about the gift of sadness. When it comes into me I feel humble, and opened up and I forget who I think I am. It is really a gift...and, it hurts.
Reply By Marion Lindemann on November 07, 2010 02:33
Swami Ji, Your journal means a great deal to me. Although we have never met I feel deeply sorry for the loss of your sister and very grateful for your openness and your joy. It is giving me life.
Reply By Calice L. on October 29, 2010 02:23
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