18 Jan 2010 Vrindavan, India
Category: Relationships
Yesterday I talked about relationships in which two partners are close physically but not devoted to each other. In these cases, ego arises. Ego of comparing and thinking one is better, ego of thinking in terms of ‘mine’ and ‘yours’ instead of thinking of ‘ours’.
I am not saying that you should use the same toothbrush, but if it starts annoying you when your partner sits down on the chair that you usually use, you should feel a little bit deeper and see where that feeling comes from.
I said already one day that many people say in these cases ‘the spark was gone’ as the reason for them to break up. Feel yourself before you start correcting your partner about small things that don’t really matter. Have a look at your habits before you criticize the other one. And then please think: were not these habits exactly those points that you loved about the other one in the beginning of your relationship? How come this went away?
I also heard that many people have this problem after moving in together because they were used to live alone for such a long time. In this case I always recommend to really value the moments when you are together. Whether it is that you are cooking together, working at home together or sitting on the couch together in the late evening which you couldn’t do when you were living alone, far away from each other. In these moments feel inside yourself and feel the love and happiness that you have inside. Feel this love and be happy.
Tags:: Devotion, Happiness, Love, Relationships, Ego, Feelings, Partners, Separation, Spark
3 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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Little annoyances you find in your partner should not be the reason for a breakup. When you feel annoyed with the little quirks, look deeper inside yourself and ask why you feel annoyed? It is usually your own ego and mind that cause the problem, when it is really something so small in the one you love. Ask for awareness about your own ego and forgive the one you love... look for the deeper reason why you love them and connect with them!
Reply By Emily on October 23, 2011 08:09
Jeanne: I unfortunately know how you feel. It is hard to come to the realization that things could have been so different. If you move forward in awareness it can get better. Be patient. Be kind to yourself and others. Don't let ego get in the way.
Reply By Gary on October 24, 2010 06:37
My boyfriend and I recently split. The breaking point was actually one day when he was eating dinner in the other room with his mouth open, I could hear him chewing, I just hated his little quirks. Like you said, some of them were quirks that I fell in love with at first. I have so many regrets about this, because of course we miss each other, but we've both already caused so much pain. Reading this makes me wonder how different it could have been if we weren't so self-focused.
Reply By Jeanne on October 24, 2010 06:34
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SourceI welcome, not only in my home but in my life, those people who either don’t have any expectations or whose expectations I can fulfill. I want people in my life who respect my feelings and care for my happiness as well as their own happiness. I apply a filter at the entrance to my heart, too, so that I can let those in who will make me happy and whom I can make happy.
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SourceScriptures were written by normal men. It was their experience but your experience can be very different. With time everything changes. If your experience is different than from what the Bible or the Gita tells you, why don’t you believe in yourself? Why don’t you trust your experience?
SourceWe do not want to be controlled. And if we don’t want to be controlled, why do we have the wish to control somebody? Trust is the foundation of any relation or love. Trust and leave the idea of controlling your partner!
SourceHave dinner, lunch or breakfast or maybe all meals in family. It connects you with each other. In this way love can go through the stomach. Share your day with each other, take part in each other’s lives!
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SourceThere would be no development if nobody ever judged. You would always accept everything as it is. We need to judge.
SourceMany people of older generations go to church not because of their belief. They go because if they don’t, the neighbours will talk bad or the priest will think they are not religious.
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SourceCorruption in religion is worst because the most corrupt people there show themselves as the purest of ideals that everyone else should follow.
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SourceScriptures - squeeze them and you will see blood dripping out of them!
SourceSpirituality is not a hobby like playing the piano for which you sometimes have time and sometimes not. Spirituality doesn’t cost time. It should be natural. Why do you think you are only spiritual if you practice at least one hour of meditation per day and lots of Yoga exercises? You can be spiritual in eating, cooking and sleeping, too.
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