27 Dec 2008 Schwabmunchen, Germany
Category: Love
My friend also talked about the decision to love someone and said that if you decide to love it might not be real love. I would like to say that you have to make the decision to love everybody. You have to have the decision to have love in yourself. This is the decision. And then love for the universe will flow naturally.
If you decide to hate there is only harm and destruction. Terrorists for example took the decision to hate. In these people the love for the universe cannot flow because their decision is wrong. To reach the consciousness of unconditional love, you definitely need to make the decision to love everybody.
I have talked about arranged marriages before. For this you can also say that there is a decision to love. Of course I believe that love cannot happen by force and you cannot get love by begging. You get love when you give love. I have seen thousands of examples of arranged marriage and this concept is still very successful in this culture. That is not love at first sight as the partners mostly have not seen each other before but they have both made the decision in their life to love each other and to devote themselves to each other. They live loving each other successfully for the whole life. It is not because they have to live with each other and that there is no other way. I have seen thousands of couples who are truly happy and in love.
Of course there can be exceptions, too. When I wrote about arranged marriages before I called it ‘organized crime’ and I am still not in favour of it. What I want to say is that love is there and it can flow without force even if it is not at first sight. And if I look at the cultural difference and how people believe in love here, then I also want you to see the success rate of marriages. If 80% of all marriages here end in divorce, just the opposite 80% of all arranged marriages in India succeed, and there it is a decision to love. How can this happen?
When you live together with someone and there is your wish to love and there is the decision to direct the love in his or her direction, then this love takes a shape and can develop. It can get strong. When you have a pet at home and live in the company of this animal you develop a feeling for it. If you lose it you cry for it. You have this company and develop feelings naturally.
I fully believe in love at first sight but I also believe in the four steps of love: knowing each other, developing trust on each other, growing love and making a strong relationship. I would even say that after falling in love at first sight, you need to give a shape to this love to achieve a successful relationship and for this you need to follow these four steps. Otherwise what will happen?
There is love at first sight but what is the outcome if you do not decide to follow these steps? You will not enjoy the love very long because it doesn’t take any shape. I am sure, when my friend says he fell in love at first sight and if he is still enjoying this, then he surely has nourished it. Many people fall in love at first sight but not all of them can maintain it. It is easy to fall in love at first sight but you need to nourish it, then you can enjoy the flow of love for the rest of your life.
Tags:: Love, Marriage, Relationships, Trust, Feelings, Decision, Consciousness
1 Comments
Posted By Swami Balendu
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I do think you can decide to love someone, and you should decide to be a loving person- it is the healthiest choice as you will be happy and you will spread happiness. But I do think arranged marriage don't often end in divorce because there aren't a lot of other options. Forinstance, in the US divorces is highly unlikely among many religious people because they view marriage as a signed contract with God, so they won't divorce. Many people in the US are not religious and so they see marriage as something that can pass when happiness is gone. But maybe it IS easier to love someone if you are religious or if you don't thuink you have another option... it's true that the less freedom someone has the less mental weight they potentially carry, I suppose it would seem simple if staying in marriage was your only option to love that person. I don't know! Just thinking.
Reply By Barbara on October 23, 2010 05:22
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